I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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