I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
