Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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