she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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