bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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