I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
