Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize