y did u give ur computer a hand job?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
