im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
