I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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