i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He shit in the fireplace
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
