all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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