fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
