Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
