You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
