apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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