how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
