I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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