i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's the barista slut.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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