he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
