i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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