the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
