it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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