She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
