So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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