yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
