i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
