She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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