i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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