Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When are your genitals available?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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