I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
