Umm I'm too high to move.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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