I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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