You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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