apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
