I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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