I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
