He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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