Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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