Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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