And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
