Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
