I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
