grandma shit on top of the toilet
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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