I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
