You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Boobs are out for the taking
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
