i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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