Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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