i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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