jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
