I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
