Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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