I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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