he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize