My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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