Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
