Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
