She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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