all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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